Center for Aikido and Tang Soo Do Studies
April 2005 Newsletter
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Quotes of the Month:
Tang Soo Do: " . . . to recognize falseness and align myself with truth . . . "
“To me, Aikido is like a physical prayer. I think of it as a walking meditation.”
-- Sam George
Dojo News
By David Margrave
As always, past issues of this newsletter are now available on our website at AikiTang.org. Thanks, again, Ryan Goettsche, for the continued updates!
The gods of Aikido blessed us with intensive instruction from the dojo’s founder, Sensei Medeiros, in January and February. Sensei Medeiros returned from his travels to Maryland and reminded us all why it is so easy to become inspired to train at this dojo. It was great to have him back during parts of the months of January and February. Sensei Medeiros will gone a short time and return March 1st. Sensei Medeiros highly recommends these excellent books on Aikido: THE ART OF AIKIDO by Kisshomaru Ueshiba; BEST AIKIDO by Kisshomaru Ueshiba and Moriteru Ueshiba; and THE AIKIDO MASTER COURSE by Moriteru Ueshiba.
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Copyright 2005
Center for Aikido and Tang Soo Do Studies
5668 N. Union Blvd, Colorado Springs, CO 80918
(719) 477-1244
Vernon A. Medeiros, Sensei / Sa Bom Nim
In Longmont: The Center for Tang Soo Do Studies
Kyosa Nim Mike Parenteau, http://www.ctsds.org
Ryan is taking a sabbatical due to scheduling issues and sends his best wishes to everyone at the dojo.
Please welcome new Aikido students Kris Bruni and Michael Aguiar. Ian Hawking will be gone for a few months while his job duties take him to faraway adventures, selling swords and doing other deeds at Renaissance Fairs in Florida and Tennessee, but he was heard to say something like, “I shall return!”
Aikido testing is on the 26th of February. If you have sufficient time in grade please consider testing. Every Aikidoka is asked to be present, rested, and supportive of all who choose to test.
On Saturday, July 30, 2005, we will conduct a testing in both Aikido and Tang Soo Do at Benet Hill. The general public will be invited, and this will be a an exposition for anyone interested in Aikido and Tang Soo Do to observe. Please put this special event on your calendars now, and invite friends, family and significant others.
What goes in Must Come Out
By Ryan Goettsche
I was doing a lot of thinking lately on life and how it all works with regards to our expectations of what it is about and what want or wanted it to be about. We have so many predetermined agendas, conceptions (or misconceptions) about everything we see and do in this existence from the time we are born to our death. As an example, society in general says that we have to go to school to get a good education so that we can go out in the world and make a good living, have a family, retire and enjoy the rest of our remaining years. How we are perceived in life by others is fairly dependant on how much energy we put into that life plan. Aikido training is much the same. How much time and energy we put into our training is related to how much we learn.
I know that sounds like a totally obvious statement and you don’t want to read anymore because you already get it . . . but that statement gets pretty deep into the thought patterns of human kind. Many beginners come into the dojo “expecting” to be taught. There is a quote from The Karate Kid which says; “No such thing as bad student, only bad teacher. Teacher say . . . student do.” I love that quote because it is very Budo. Most people would think “That’s perfect.” They can just go to class, go through the exercises and not really pay attention and still learn the art because it’s the instructor’s responsibility to teach. That’s why we have Cardio-this and Cardio-that, Pilates, or Tae Bo. It doesn’t take desire to follow what’s going on. The only desire to do those things is to lose weight and tone up. The budo behind the quote is this: There isn’t such a thing as a bad student IF the student is putting forth the effort to learn everything there is to learn from the footwork to the handwork to the presence of mind behind what is going on in the technique and in the dojo as a whole.
Aikido is not like those classes taught at a gym where there is a curriculum to follow which repeats every 6 weeks. Aikido is about the choice to walk down a life-long path of knowledge which you know will never end . . . and accepting that choice.
It doesn’t matter if you train seven days per week, twice per day unless you have the humility and desire to learn everything that is being shown and talked about whether by Sensei or the other people you train with. If training is treated as an activity and an expectation to be taught is in one’s mind . . . people will pass them over and they will have to look up the line and wonder why so many people junior to them are now the seniors.
Training is expected to be difficult and frustrating at times. You will go home after class hating Sensei for not explaining it better or spending that extra time to show the technique one more time. There will be other times when class is over and you go home and wonder what it’ll be like after you’ve been training for 30 years.
Both the ups and downs are healthy . . . as long as they both don’t affect the desire to learn to an extreme. If all you think about is training . . . you’ll get burnt out and quit in a “relatively” short amount of time and conversely, if you don’t feel you’re improving and get angry a lot at the quality of your Aikido, your desire wanes and you will quit. You always have to look back to where you came from to understand where you are now. As long as the desire is being put forth to learn . . . you will improve even if after a year you feel like you aren’t. It’s just harder to see when you’ve been doing it a while.
Sensei always says to have a beginners mind. That clears the mind of self expectations to perform at a certain level and frees the mind to polish that which it knows. Respect those students senior to you and respect those junior to you because both have knowledge worth respecting and with that respect comes the openness to learn which fuels the desire to learn more.
Talking the Talk vs. Walking the Walk
By Hal Render (note: I have elected to give an answer to Sempai’s questions because these have inspired me even though I have not yet read the article.
Signed Sensei Medeiros February 2005)
When teaching Aikido, how much should one focus on technique, and how much should one focus on the principles? Sensei’s answer: 50/50
When teaching Aikido, should one let the student find and fix their own mistakes, or should one point out the mistakes and help the student to correct them? Sensei’s answer: Sometimes either way is good. It just depends on the over all tone of the class.
When teaching Aikido, is it better to focus on one person at a time, or is it better always to direct one’s teaching to the entire class? Sensei’s answer: Always best to teach the group yet be aware of an individual’s needs.
When teaching Aikido, is it better to explain in detail what you are doing or is it better to simply demonstrate and let the students discern the correct way to perform a technique? Sensei’s answer: Again sometimes either way is good. It just depends on the over all tone of the class and the ability of each student to grasp the lesson.
Since I have been leading Tuesday night classes, I have struggled with these questions. From what I have read, O-Sensei followed the Asian tradition of teaching by demonstrating. He would perform a series of techniques in fairly rapid succession with little or no talking, and then settle on one for the students to practice. Students were expected to watch the demonstration closely and pick up the techniques by observing O-Sensei and the senior students and by feeling the technique when practicing with a partner. When O-Sensei did talk, it was usually to expound on principles of Aikido, usually in esoteric terms, and not to explain details of techniques.
In our classes, we do things differently. We tend to follow a more “western” tradition of explanation along with demonstration, and I continue to wonder, is this better? Would it be more useful to simply demonstrate, requiring the students to pay closer attention to the demonstration and to their own practice? Do words get in the way?
I know from my own past practice with Sensei that there are times when I would be having problems with a technique, so I would stop and watch Sensei demonstrate. Even after watching, I often couldn’t figure out what Sensei was doing differently than what I was doing. At times, he would come over and tell me something specific like, “Make sure you turn your hips at the same time you move your arm,” that would highlight a particular problem I had been having and allow me to correct it. From this, I have come to believe in the value of explanation.
But, I also believe in the Taoist principle of “the way that can be spoken is not the true way.” Too often in the past I thought I understood a technique and explained how to do it to someone. When I watched the person try to do what I explained, I often found that I had misled or, worse, completely confused the person. Putting the full details of a technique into words is really impossible, any explanation will fall short. Any attempt to explain a technique will leave out many critical details that the person must practice to perform the technique correctly. So, talking about a technique can actually make the student miss things that they might not miss if they were more attuned to the demonstration and to understanding a technique physically rather than verbally. I really do believe that Aikido must be felt to be understood, and if people are more attuned to trying to understand Aikido verbally or cognitively, it will hinder their development.
I believe that a lot of talking by the instructor can also cause other problems. When the instructor talks a lot, students are always keeping one ear open to hear what he or she is saying, and this distracts them from their practice. If you are only half-focused on your partner and your performance, you will only progress at half the speed you might otherwise progress. Further, if the instructor talks a lot it sets a tone in the class that tends, in my experience, to lead to a lot more talking between students. This further divides the attention of the students, both those doing the talking and those who hear the conversations.
Yet, I always come back to the fact that explanations can help. I really believe this, because I know that explanations I have been given by Sensei have helped me to improve. So again, I don’t know.
I think in the coming weeks I will try to demonstrate more and talk less in the classes I lead. I hope people will share their own opinions on this.
Sensei’s answer: When it is necessary to talk one should talk (vibrant, joyful and full of love). When it is time to listen one should listen (respectful, attentive and humble), but when it is time to act, one should always act decisively without prejudice or remorse (serious yet driven by compassion not anger, hate, jealousy, shame, conceit or insecurity Hmmm…! I think true Budo training is truly this way.
Remember we cannot change any person’s attitudes overnight. When people come to learn Aikido or Tangsoodo, what are we going to propagate? Old World values? Or are we going to be brave and kind and further the true causes of Aikido and Tangsoodo.
Our present society uses punitive, intimidating tactics to secure order yet this does not work. These are not new ideas our entire civilization is built upon this premise and this premise is very, very old. To impose punishment be it financial, incarceration or the ultimate finial payment; death is still an old world value that should have been left behind in the last century. Aggression exists at several levels not just the obvious ones. If we fall out of the norm of acceptable behavior these sanctions are imposed on us.
True Budo training is about improving ourselves for the greater good of all. If everyone did this, well! It would truly be a different world. Politically, Economically and Socially. However this will not happen on a large scale in my lifetime. History teaches us that fear, prejudice, hate, greed jealousy, envy and any other negative idea you can add to this list carries grave results for humankind yet most people do not care about such things. In our small dojo, which is a microcosm of the greater potential, these things must be recognized and channeled into positive forces, which will give rise to greater possibilities. There are no rivals or enemies in a dojo/dojang. There should be no rivals or enemies in our lives as well.
The Opportunity to Train
By Sam George
I was asked out to lunch with a group of friends recently. We have not seen each other for five to ten years because our common bond was lost somewhere.
We camped, we all had kids, we drank, we ate, all seemed well. People move away, people get divorced. People get very sick and people die. Life changes.
Whatever the importance was I felt was not there anymore. The feeling was uncomfortable. Old stories seemed very old. New stories seemed very old. I left lunch feeling like, OK, what was that about?
I went on about my day, and put the experience somewhere away in my mind.
While working on Saturday morning I realized that the work schedule was in conflict with Aikido practice. I called Ryan and explained the problem as to why I could not attend. Ryan’s response was, “Sorry, we miss you” or something very similar. What struck me was the knowledge that I would be missed.
Maybe this pursuit of some kind of understanding in Aikido brings us all together. I realized that when someone calls me and says they cannot attend I feel sad. I miss the opportunity to train with them. I now realize the feeling is mutual. As you have honored me with your presence, I have honored you with mine.
My Path Along the Way
By Brad Pier
Please allow me the indulgence of putting my thoughts and feelings in print.
First, a little background info. I started Aikido in Denver at Nippon Kan in the mid 80's. A guy handed me a flyer on the 16th Street Mall at lunch. Looks interesting, I thought at the time. Little did I know that starting Aikido practice would be a long pursuit of learning, frustration, rewards, and fleeting moments of harmony.
Changes in my life brought me to Colorado Springs. I sought out an Aikido Dojo. Phil Horvath, (a former student here), told me about Sensei and the Dojo. Allow me to digress.
Recently, Hal-san let me borrow a book entitled, "Remembering O-Sensei." It made me pause, and do some thinking about my own journey, including the teachers and students I have practiced with. Denver had, (and still probably has), a beginners program. A six week intro, well run and highly organized, as most things turned out to be there. A high ranking Japanese Sensei , with many high ranking students, ran a tight ship. Some students left before the six weeks were up.
Homma Sensei's comments were "you already paid for six weeks; you may as well finish the class." The students’ respect and awe of Homma Sensei were apparent from the start. I think back now, and still am in awe of him, his organization, and the students.
Not that everything was perfect. After reaching 3rd kyu, I was allowed to attend hakama-kai, a 3rd kyu and up only practice. I was surprised at one of the first hakama-kai, when Sensei lectured, scolded, yelled at, and berated us about several dojo issues. After that, we had an intense, hard practice. The things Sensei addressed were mostly resolved. This seemed to me to be the way a dojo was run. The chief instructor laid down the law, and let his seniors know when he was not happy.
Then I saw a gradual change to some attitudes there. Homma Sensei talked about taking his practice outside the dojo and helping the community. The dojo started cooking at a homeless shelter, planting a community garden, and doing many other projects, all with the same fervor and commitment as practice on the mat. If this interests you, check out Nippon Kan’s web site, nippon-kan.org. I think this is the highest level of practice, one that is hard to attain.
I then took a job transfer to Pocatello , Idaho. The nearest Aikido dojo was in Boise, several hours away. I reluctantly stopped practice. I had two small children at the time, who were my focus. I returned after a couple of years to northern Colorado. Again I searched for a dojo.
I found Aikido Loveland-Fort Collins in the phone book. A first visit gave a good impression. After starting practice again, I struggled with the differences in techniques between my first and second dojos. I tried to "empty my cup," and accept new and different instruction and practice. This was difficult for me.
I now realize that I am in the same boat as before, with a new dojo, new instruction, and a new life. Again I am struggling with differences in technique, instruction, and students. Please bear with me as this I go through another adaptation.
I hope to get to know everyone better. I travel some, but would like to connect off the mat. I know everyone is busy. At this point in my life, I have some free time available on occasion. Anyone wanting to converse, please let me know.
Regards,
Brad Pier
The Gift of Aikido
By Mark Crary
I think we have a great advantage over "regular" people. Our training is, for me at least, an incredible outlet, giving me both the benefit of great physical exercise together with the internal/spiritual exercise that is often overlooked or maybe even ignored. I am always amazed at how a couple hours on the mat tends to empty my mental trash can. It always seems to put things in perspective.
Physically I learn that in time, I’ll be able to deal with any attack that comes my way. Internally, I learn that in time, I'll deal with life with the same "techniques" and principles I try to use on the mat. The basic five, yes, but there are more: Don't flinch; embrace the attack. Don't freeze; flow and blend. Don't fight; and maybe change your point of view. There are more, but you get the idea. You can take it from there.
Looking back at this year I’ve been kind of taking stock. It's been pretty crazy with work, going back to school and trying to learn after 30+ years. It occurs to me that the people that I spend most of my time with, except for my family and the people I work with, are you. I look at the friendships I have made through the dojo (and that list is very long), and it hits me how big a part of my life Aikido and all of you are. Please know that I care for you all deeply, whether we have known each other for years, or just a short time. I thank you all for being part of what makes me who I am.
The Honest Truth
By Tim Speaks
(Submitted in December; not printed before Christmas due to my slowness. Editor.)
How honest do we really have to be anyway? Is it enough to be truthful part of the time, most of the time, or do we need to be truthful 100% of the time? I find the quest to become a more honest human being to be a bit of a dilemma.
For example, how honest should we be with our children about Santa Claus? If I tell my children that Santa Claus is a big fat red lie as soon as their old enough to ask, do I ruin their chances of having a happy childhood? Will they miss out on all those exciting Christmas Eve’s putting out cookies and milk for the big red guy? Do we truly do the little ankle biters any favors by encouraging them to believe in an imaginary being that lives beneath the North Pole making toys for good little girls and boys? Then we go on to tell them this semi-omniscient being also has the ability to tell who is naughty or nice and keeps a really long list on the subject. If it weren’t for Santa being big red and jolly he would have scared the doo-doo out of me when I was a kid. Well, this certainly helps prevent children from misbehaving around Christmas time anyway.
Someone might say that such childhood fantasies as Santa Claus, and the Easter bunny are good for stimulating children’s imaginations and serve to make them more creative human beings. Perhaps this is a good thing, or perhaps it only serves to make them more creative liars when they grow up. By many accounts being “creative” with the truth is a sign of a well socially developed person. Maybe if everyone told the truth all the time conversations would get dull.
Anyway, I’m getting off on a tangent that I had not intended. What I was starting out to discuss was how the truth, or being truthful, is so illusive. Most of us who are not anarchists like to believe that we are honest human beings or that we are at least honest most of the time. Ok, so we’re trying to be more honest. Well, maybe we just hardly ever tell a lie. Yet when a person tells the “truth” to others he or she is only presenting facts they believe to be true. So a person’s honesty is based solely on their perception of the truth. So “The Truth” is merely an individual’s personal reality. What happens when what you believe to be true is debunked by say, scientific discovery?
Hypothetically, a massive multi-national search effort involving melting the entire polar ice cap in the vicinity of the North Pole finds no sign of Santa’s workshop. Do you quickly redefine your reality accordingly, or do you wait for the majority of your piers to accept this new reality first? Is what we call “truth” simply what the majority of people agree on? Of course this hypothetical situation is silly because we all know Santa has very advanced cloaking technology that makes the Klingons from Star Trek look like kindergartners.
But seriously, other than your own feelings and beliefs, what can you say you know to be true? How much of the news you read in the paper or that you see on TV can be trusted to be accurate or unbiased? How many scientific laws has the average person personally tested and verified? How many of us have personally gone out and measured the height of Mount Everest to verify it is indeed the highest point of elevation on Earth?
Of course we learn to rely on others who have the aptitude and tenacity to gather such information. It would be far too difficult to go out and personally verify every fact that has become part of our constructed reality. So when I say to you truthfully that Mount Everest is the Highest point of elevation on planet Earth, I’m really stating that I believe what some guy, or group of guys, or possibly a women, who knew how to do Trigonometry, said to be the truth. This fact was more recently verified with satellite based earth mapping radar, if you buy into the assumption that such Sci-Fi fantasy devices actually exist. Please, next you will try to convince me that men really did land on the moon.
Coming back to the point, if there really is one, we can only be as honest as we believe we are being. In the never-ending quest of personal refinement it is imperative that we are honest with ourselves in order to be more honest toward others. However, it would seem personal feelings and beliefs are inseparable from the truth we tell others and ourselves.
At least for myself, I have been thoroughly convinced that Santa Clause and his flying reindeer are but a myth. But I still maintain that Klingons are real until someone can prove me wrong. Also, I apologize to the Klingons for my earlier statement that implied their cloaking technology was inferior to that of Santa Claus, who is just a cruel joke played on poor little orphans here on Earth.
I’m getting coal for Christmas.
To Gi or Not to Gi, That is the Question
By Jason D. Vulcan
“To Gi or not to Gi?” That is the question asked in an early chapter of The Aikido Student Handbook; the text that I received as part of my “welcome packet” when I joined my first Aikido dojo back in January 1995. It’s a question that I still ask myself, especially after a long hard day at work, or on days when there just seems to be too much going on in my life.
I think that we all ask ourselves that question from time to time, as we struggle to balance the competing demands on our time. Work, family, household responsibilities and personal life all require varying amounts of time and attention from day to day. I often find myself caught up in work and there are days that I am unable to make it to class on time. Some days I can’t make it to class at all. We all have days like that, where events beyond our control come up. Sometimes we have to adjust our priorities and take extra time for family, or relationships, or to deal with problems in our lives. That’s normal, and OK.
For me, the challenge is on days when I get home with just barely enough time to change clothes, pack my gear, and get to the dojo to help clean the mats and train. Those days are when we ask ourselves the big question… do we go and train, or not. Here are some of the reasons why, more often than not, we tell ourselves “YES!”
Commitment to train and practice our art. Aikido is a beautiful art, but becoming good at it takes a lot of patience and dedicated practice over a long period of time. In choosing to learn Aikido and in deciding to stick with it long enough to become skilled, we set a lofty goal, commit ourselves. We only get better through polishing our technique, and that happens best when we attend class regularly. Aikido is about self improvement, and it gives us a chance to work towards balance physically, mentally, and spiritually. Every class reveals a new aspect of techniques already learned, or a slightly different way of looking at or applying something we’ve done before. The more of these little pieces we pick up, the more complete our Aikido will be someday.
Putting down the stresses of daily life. One thing taught in our dojo is that when you walk into class you leave your worries, your problems, and the stress of daily life at the door. Class time is for focusing, relaxing and polishing our art. When we are done with class and ready to leave the dojo, the choice is ours whether to pick our emotional baggage back up, or leave it there. I found out long ago in my study of Aikido that this unloading of stress is very healthy. It became what I call my “Aikido fix”. I noticed that when I miss class, my stress, my tension, and my negative energy can build up. When I go to class regularly I get to calm my mind and focus my energy. I leave class feeling refreshed, healthier and better equipped to cope with stress.
Dependence on our partners. After a while in a dojo, our fellow students tend to become our friends. The camaraderie and friendship that we build makes class a fun time together. More importantly though, is our connection with each other as training partners. It is something that we work on every class. Through our practice we learn to connect to our partners, and to foster and improve that sense of connection. In order to practice much of what we learn in Aikido, we need a cooperative partner who knows how to respond to our techniques without getting injured. It’s just as important to know how to apply a technique so as not to cause injury. “If we break our partner, we can’t train anymore”. That may seem over simplified, but it’s true. Because of this connection, we develop a dependence on our partners, because without them we can not practice. So, it becomes important that we go to class whenever we can, because our partners are there. They are there for us, and they need us for practice. We owe it to them to be there too.
We all have challenges in our life, and it’s not always easy to strike a healthy balance, but I hope that this helps you the next time that you find yourself short on time or energy, and get to ask yourself “To Gi or not to Gi”. I hope that your answer, like mine, is “YES!”
To Be or Not to Be: In Memoriam
By David Margrave
I like Aikido because it teaches love. Aikido returns us to our essence, and counteracts our culture of shame. A recent experience drives home to me how important this is. We lost one of our newest dojo members on New Year's Eve. My brother and roommate, Stephen, decided to "check out," as we say in the Margrave family tradition. He did it execution style, with a rope. He chose not to be in this world, because he despised himself.
Stephen had a death wish since childhood. Last summer he was melting down, and I talked him into coming to Colorado hoping to keep him alive and inspire him to live. I introduced him to great people, including the dojo. Stephen enjoyed three of the best months of his life here, but I ultimately failed in my self-appointed “mission.’
Stephen’s death leaves us with wounds. It also leaves us with many blessings. I think he took a bullet for me and others. His death reminds us how to look forward with love instead of backward with fear. He served as an excellent negative model: now here's what NOT to do with your mind . . . Stephen obsessed over the past. He incessantly blamed himself for “bad” decisions, and concluded he was defective and undeserving due to his “failures.” He shamed himself, obsessively.
People hasten to assure me that Stephen’s death was not my fault. This is kind, and much appreciated. But often they imply that no one but Stephen is to blame, since he and only he can be responsible for his decision. I agree that I am not to blame, yet I insist that Stephen is not to blame, either. I also insist that we are all responsible -- not for killing or saving Stephen, but for killing or nurturing the spirit within every person around us.
Stephen did not make his decision in a vacuum. He drowned in a sea of influences, including his genetic endowment, his upbringing, his cultural inheritance, and actions and omissions of individual friends, teachers, bullies, bosses, and family members – including me. An infinite number of events formed Stephen’s personality. He was an individual, certainly, but he was also a product of influences in his environment. There is a particular pattern in those influences that stuck like no other.
The pattern is shame. Stephen’s suicide tape contained all the standard stuff. (As my sister Annie noted, it's pretty twisted that in my family everyone knows exactly what the standard stuff is. Stephen is the third of nine of my nuclear family members to commit suicide.) The standard stuff begins with: “I despise myself. I will never be good enough. I feel so ashamed.”
Adults in Stephen’s childhood taught him to condemn himself. Priests and nuns taught the dogma of original sin: that we were born sinners, destined for hell, until we redeem ourselves with good deeds and self-sacrifice. We attended church services twice a week, and prayed for the intercession of the saints to keep us out of hell. Once a week, we attended the sacrament of Confession. In elementary school I sometimes couldn’t remember committing any sins, so I had to make them up. This was (at least in my six- and seven-year old mind) a mortal sin which might have sent me to eternal hellfire. To purge this sin I had to confess the fabrication in my next confession. (Other recovering Catholics have told me they had the same experience.) We lived under the policy that “the beatings will continue until morale improves.” Corporal punishment was practiced at school, where students lined up for lunch to the sounds of classmates being paddled. Corporal punishment was practiced at home, leaving me with out-of-body experiences, some amnesia, and nightmares about going to hell.
Shame killed Stephen. It infected him, like a virus, weakening his body and mind and sapping his natural immunity against life’s bumps and bruises. Shame induced stress, chronic depression, and suicidal fantasies. He responded to the incessant fear of condemnation with perfectionism. He lived in the permanent torture of a fight-or-flight response to stress. The stress created metabolic malfunctions, including chronic fatigue, mental paralysis, panic attacks, allergies, and other symptoms. His depression was not caused by a Prozac deficiency, or a genetic defect. Certainly, genetic endowment can make each of us more or less vulnerable to depression, sunburn, or any other illness. Certainly, Stephen had his own personality issues. And his life mission may have required that he experience his life and death exactly as it happened. Yet to me it remains clear that shame killed Stephen.
We live in a culture of shame. Many people fed the self-loathing that drove Stephen to suicide. They were continuing a vicious cycle in which they themselves were trapped. This is not an accusation that they are guilty. They were confused. They missed the mark. They were humans, doing what all humans do – sometimes loving, sometimes wounding one another. I was undoubtedly one of them, sometimes wounding, sometimes healing Stephen.
I think that to judge anyone as stupid, evil or defective is to perpetuate confusion. The notion that we even can be defective or evil is a human confusion, not a divine judgment. It is a primitive concept which we have outgrown. (Jesus, for example, never taught that we are “sinners.” This is a Greek concept slipped into Jesus’ mouth by mistranslation from the Aramaic language, which contains no such word. Jesus taught that we are each members of the same body, and that we often “miss the mark,” but forever remain children of God, welcome in the Kingdom of God.)
At the same time, we are 100% responsible for our actions. We are all responsible for what we choose, right now. Responsibility is the ability and the duty to respond; to make a difference by choosing well. We can only respond in the present. We cannot respond in the past, which cannot be changed. Therefore no one is responsible for changing the past, or guilty for having been part of it. (In retrospect, we can see that the past could not even have been different. What happened had to happen.)
We can have healthy feelings of guilt, which is a species of sadness, arising from recognition of our mistakes. This is not to say that we can be guilty, any more than we can be sadness. It is only to say that we will be confronted with the consequences of our decisions, now or later. We may be held to account by dynamics of cause and effect in the three dimensional world, or by the law of karma or in other ways. In any event, what we sow, we will reap. There is no need to make others wrong or label them as stupid, or wicked. They will receive their due, as will we all. The universe remains in balance, even when no person punishes or condemns another for anything.
We are responsible for learning the lesson offered by the anguish of Stephen and every other one of our brothers and sisters. The lesson is that we must stop using shame as a riding crop with which to control others. We have withheld love and inflicted shame to control others. The message we conveyed is that our love is conditional: “I will love you so long as you do this, but not that.” But conditional love is not even love; it is manipulation, and nothing more.
The mass media have so de-sensitized us to shame with images of violence and revenge, that we forget the little deaths we cause in daily life. No, we don’t use corporal punishment as often. Most people are not suicidally depressed (although one third of adults in America have been treated for chronic depression.) We no longer use public flogging to assure obedience. Instead, we cut people down in a civilized fashion -- subtly and slowly. We use sarcasm, the nasty tone of voice, the rolling of the eyes, and the cold shoulder. These wounds to the heart are invisible to the eye. This enables us to deny the harm we caused, while wounds fester beneath the skin and suffocate the spirit.
Who killed the Stephens of the world? We all did. Every single time we chose to respond with shame, punishment, anger, vengeance, abandonment, sarcasm, violence, or indifference to hurt or frighten or control another person, we killed off some spark of life. We did what was natural, and human. We made mistakes. Let’s make Stephen’s life and death meaningful by learning the lesson. Shame always poisons. Love always heals.
In every situation, we can respond either through love or through fear. Love nurtures the spirit. Fear nurtures vengeance, guilt and shame.
Stu Gordon wrote an article published on the Internet in which he stated:
Aikido also serves as a defense against the inner "dragons of the mind" – fear, self-hatred and isolation. These three dragons of the mind deplete our inner resources and disturb us on an emotional, mental, physical and spiritual level, weakening our immune systems, damming the life force within us, and leaving us susceptible to disease, depression and boredom.
. . . .
To share in [Ueshiba’s mystical experience] means an end to isolation and alienation, fear, judgment, guilt and self-hatred. It is a doorway to our spiritual core, a pipeline to our innate power to heal ourselves, to becoming perfectly who we are, to realizing that we are spiritual beings sent here to have human experiences.
Aikido teaches us to be fully present in the moment, to be centered and grounded, to drop the baggage of past mistakes and guilt, to shed future worries and fears. It teaches us to deal with stress, change and chaos with a calm mind and relaxed body. . . . This is the healing power of Aikido. [1]
Aikido teaches us to be – right now – persons who love ourselves and others.
Align Yourself with Truth
By Gihan Fellah
"Recognize falseness and align yourself with truth."
Lies and deceit permeate this society. It's prevalent in the home, news, government, court system, and the workplace. Can no one stick to the truth anymore?
I lose respect for individuals who regularly deceive others or as some state, "not telling is not deceiving." Oh really? This can be justified depending on some circumstances, I suppose. When individuals flat out tell me to lie about something seemingly small, and I do, it disgusts me and goes against every moral fiber of my being. How can I possibly expect others to be truthful, when I myself slip?
People have said it's no big deal as long as nobody gets hurt. Guess what, lies do hurt people. They are like evil little ripples that expand outward.
Lies are never an appropriate recourse for covering up mistakes, misleading others, exaggerating, telling tall tales, ugh! It sickens me. As for myself, I continue to work to improve this area in my own life.
Deceit will never go away; it slinks behind everyone. It's a putrid vapor that everyone inhales, willingly. Put on your gas masks folks, and don't add to the stench.
Aikido: The Martial Art
By Nicole Crary
Within the last few months there have been these commercials on for this place called The Defense Institute. In their commercial they talk about how the people that train there were victims of assault and will be the victim no more. How it is not about beating up your attacker, but protecting yourself (hence the name the Defense Institute), but yet my dad works with a guy who trains there is always talking about how if you turn the guys head just right you could break his neck. But it's still not about hurting the person (yeah, right!). At the end of the commercial it says "If you want art, buy a brush!", and every time it says that I think "Thanks for the offer, but I'll take the brush!"
Aikido, and our dojo, is nothing like the Defense Institute, Aikido is not about beating up your opponent, and teaching them a lesson for trying to hit you, it is about harmonizing with their attack, and letting the ground teach them the lesson they need to learn, but if they come at you again, o-well, its their fault they didn't learn the lesson the first time! :-)
A Proposal
By Mark Soppe
Ever since I began training at the Center for Aikido and Tang Soo Do Studies I’ve heard stories about when the two halves would train together.
Recently the stories about training with Aikido have been: the Aikido students blend exceptionally well with circular motions, it’s a great aid in learning your one point, I learned even more on how to move properly.
The Aikido students learned much from the Tang students and vice versa. I think it would be a great asset to both halves to begin training together again. Perhaps for one week out of each month the classes should blend together. There is much we could learn from each other.
The Way of Harmony
By Michael Mark
(Based on a true story)
Once upon a time there was a great warrior. This warrior served a powerful nation and conquered his enemies time and time again. This warrior was strong and fast and defeated all his foes in combat. None could stand against him. He had perfected the art of focusing his will into his weapons of war and his amazing power and intensity defeated opponent after opponent. This did not come effortlessly to the warrior and he had practiced his entire life to achieve this state of strength and power. He defeated men singly and in large groups all with the principal of his technique of power and overwhelming conflict.
It came to pass that as this warrior continued to expand the knowledge of his art of conflict that he become aware of the teachings of a certain Master, who dwelt in a nearby nation. During the course of his travels this warrior found himself in this nation where he could take advantage of such training and so he did. During his time at this training he sparred with many other students and his great strength and years of practice allowed him to easily defeat his partners. And so it happened one day that the Master called him out to demonstrate one of the many techniques of the art. The warrior was instructed to come without measure. At first the warrior was reluctant to do so, but as the Master successfully deflected each of his attacks, he grew more confident and trusting in the judgment of the Master, he loosed his most powerful attack. He had defeated countless others with the power, force and focus of this attack and he expected to win again with his art of overwhelming conflict. In an instant the warrior was off balance and hopelessly flying through the air, something he had always wanted to do, but as a bird not at the end of his Master’s hand. He hit the ground with a mind numbing thud and only with the greatest of his warrior discipline did he shake off the pain and rise to attack again. And so he did repeatedly attack the Master, using all his strength and different techniques he had learned through his many, many years of practice. Each time the Master seemed to join with his attack and then drift away as he was left with the consequences of gravity. After only 6 attempts the warrior could stand no further and even as he did lie there he noted that the Master had not even broken a sweat though he himself was drenched and panting like a dog.
Later after training the warrior approached the Master and asked him how he had done this, to which the Master would only reply, “He who pits his strength against the world is but a fool ready to perish.” The warrior did not understand this council but he pondered it day in and day out.
And so it came to pass that one day the Master invited the warrior to go spear fishing in the depths of the nearby ocean. The warrior enjoyed hunting with spear and eagerly accepted. After many hours of hunting the depths with the Master it was time to return to land. They had caught many fish. The fish were equally divided and both swam for shore. As they did so the warrior was surprised to note the ocean repeatedly pulled him back the small amount he was able to move forward. The tide would push and pull erasing the progressed of his motion forward, over and over again. This did not worry the warrior at first because he was confident in his power and will, and being quite fit, he resolved to kick that much harder as he moved to the shore, for the warrior had always conquered with his will and today would be no different and he embraced this test of strength against the tide of the mighty ocean.
The warrior’s effort was rewarded and for a time he was able to swim right along with the Master, but soon owing to his strenuous exertions he began to tire and as he did, he noticed that the Master began to slowly pull away from him. He resolved to kick even harder but to no avail. As the ocean tugged him back he would kick with all his might, and even so it still pulled him back a measure of half what it had if he did not kick. Soon he became so tired he would rest when it pushed him forward and kick when it pulled him back. Despite his great effort the Master continued to get farther from him. This further vexed him because the Master was quite a bit older than he and the warrior knew that he could not possess greater strength than he did. But nevertheless it was that he continued to lag more and more. The warrior studied the Master closely for clearly he was doing something different than he was. It was then that he noted the Master would completely stop and rest as the great tide tugged him away from the shore, and then as the ocean pushed he would kick with strong stokes as long as the tide pushed, resting again as it pulled him back. This allowed the Master to steadily surge toward shore while maintaining a rested state. The warrior mimicked this technique and was quickly propelled into shore alongside the Master.
On the way home the great Master looked at the warrior with smiling eyes and said, “You now have your answer to how I have repeatedly defeated you and the secret to success in this world.” And the warrior smiled at the Master and bowed and reverently touched his feet and agreed. And so it was that the warrior relinquished the way of conflict and adopted the way of harmony. And as the two walked into the day, the Master turned to his student and said, “Now that you understand the way of harmony it is quite a different matter to recognize what to add your strength to. That is what you must learn next . . . ”
“The secret of Aikido is to make yourself become one with the universe and to go along with its natural movements.”
“ . . . you should let the ki of your thoughts and feelings blend with the Universal.”
Morihei Ueshiba
My Favorite Technique
By Daniel Mark
My favorite technique is shiho-nage. What I like about shiho-nage is it is fun and easy. Also it is easy to memorize. It is cool and quick and a good centering technique.
Being Centered
By John Mark
Are you a kid that gets mad when you lose on video games? Well, what can help you is being centered. You play on a level in the game and you can’t get past it? First, if you’re really mad – calm down. Second, take deep breaths and inhale through your nose and exhale out of your mouth. It helped with me; I think it will help with you.
This Newsletter was produced by:
The Center for Aikido and Tang Soo Do Studies
5668 N. Union Blvd
Colorado Springs, CO 80918
(719) 477-1244 http://www.aikitang.org
Please come by and watch a class!
You may email submissions for the next issue of the newsletter or request digital copies of past issues by writing to Dmargrave@CS.com
If you are interested in Tang Soo Do or Aikido, please contact us.
For information on Aikido, contact:
Hal Render (719) 448-9293, or
Sam George (719) 471-1588.
For information on Tang Soo Do, contact:
Jude Miller (719) 635-2874, or
Tim Speaks (719) 559-2983, or:
The Center for Tang Soo Do Studies in Longmont:
Mike Parenteau
Info@www.CTSDS.org
Dojo Photos:
Mr. Parenteau & Mr. Miller Mr. Miller Mr. Miller and Mr. Speaks
Hal and Jason Ian Kris and Sam
Sam and Kris Jason and Mike A stranger named Manny
Sam again A couple of shots of Stephen at his best